


Dreaming of Nightmares and How to Help

by keepquietplease



Series: Sanders Sides Stories [8]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Asexual Logic | Logan Sanders, Graysexual Logan, He is straight up NOT having a good time, He's more of a gray sexual but that's not a tag, It is my belief that Remus can and will pick up and carry Virgil around, Janus is only mentioned, M/M, Multi, Self-Harm, Sex is mentioned, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Dark Sides (Sanders Sides), There's cursing, even platonically, in this Roman and Remus are brothers but not twins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:48:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25639771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keepquietplease/pseuds/keepquietplease
Summary: Virgil was someone others would call a dreamer.  He dropped out of college, became a writer, and moved to a town he had a near run in with his soulmate.  He did it all on the fact that he could.  The problem with being a dreamer was that he had moments the dreams became nightmares.  He couldn't finish his education, he couldn't finish the novel he was working on, and he moved to somewhere far away because of the fact he felt a burning sensation on his hip when he was five.Virgil needed something to ground him.  Bring him to reality.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton
Series: Sanders Sides Stories [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1837975
Comments: 4
Kudos: 138





	Dreaming of Nightmares and How to Help

**Author's Note:**

> You'll never believe it, but TheIcyMage helped me yet again with making this. I owe you so much at this point.
> 
> Also, I know the tag is there, but there is self harm

Virgil had three soulmates, which was fine. It was common to have more than one soulmate. He had a crown on his left hip, a blue heart on his pinky finger on his left hand, an hourglass on his right collarbone, and finally a small cloud on his forehead, indicating that mark represented him. He was actually excited to meet his soulmates. Sometimes, if people got close to their soulmate, they felt a burning sensation where that mark was. Virgil hadn't met his soulmates. The system was rigged where everyone eventually met their soulmate, and Virgil got close to meeting one of his once. He was traveling with his parents on vacation, and when they went to a local theater, his crown started burning a bit. The theater was so dark that he couldn't see anyone, and when he left the burning feeling was gone.

After he dropped out of college, he moved to that city. The chances of his soulmate still being their were slim, but he still went. He made a living writing, a passion he discovered entering a short story contest. He made it his living. He won the contest, kept writing, and became not totally famous, but still earned enough to live comfortably. He bought a house in the more rural side of the city, opting for small town life. It was close to the theater, in case his soulmate was still there, and it wasn't a busy road. It was quiet most nights. Sure, sometimes his neighbors had company late, but Virgil was a night person anyway. He tended to sleep through the day, work at night, and do his shopping in the sweet hour period after he woke up but before stores closed. He had a schedule, and he liked his schedule.

He was suffering from a case of writers block. He needed to clear his head, so he grabbed a jacket and headed out. It was around three in the morning, the stars were out, and Virgil really could kill for a coffee. He knew there was a 24-hour coffee shop nearby that he could stop in. The walk there only took about ten minutes, Virgil in a generally good mood. He went in and got his coffee from the obviously bored and tired barista. The barista glanced at him, letting out a huge sigh. "You just missed your soulmate."

"What?"

"Yeah. You're a storm cloud. Your soulmate was in here an hour ago. Cute guy. Kind of weird."

"Oh, uh, thanks." Virgil responded, paying. "See you again."

He left quickly. Which one. Which one did he just miss? Why wasn't he suffering from writers block an hour ago? This was good news, though, because one of them was here. One of them he would eventually meet. Even if his sleeping habits were weird, he could just go out a bit earlier to find his soulmate. That was exciting to him. He didn't waste his time and money to move here. He wasn't stupid or crazy to just leave. To drop out of college. To leave his old life behind. He wasn't crazy. 

He kept thinking that over and over again on his walk back to his house. He was doing something right. He itched at his lower neck, feeing a small tingling near his collarbone. He paused, looking around. He was alone, but there were a couple houses nearby. He shook his head before continuing to walk, feeling the small sensation go away as he moved further. Maybe he'd walk around there sometime in the future, maybe when it wasn't so late. Maybe he wouldn't. Look, Virgil was relieved that he was able to move to this town and be assured one of his soulmates was living here, but he also wasn't sure his soulmates would like him. Not that he was ashamed for not finishing his education and becoming a writer, but he was told that he was not going to get far by many people. What if his soulmates thought that too? What if they were disappointed? 

Maybe it was because he had writers block, but maybe they'd be right. He can't even finish a chapter. Well, this is the third book in the series, so maybe he could finish a chapter, but still. He really should do something about his anxiety because this was not the greatest feeling. He took a swig of his coffee, grimacing at the bitterness. He got the wrong drink. The barista made him the wrong drink. That's fine. He found it unnecessary to go back to get it exchanged. He didn't like the drink he got, but he could deal. He couldn't toss it because that was super wasteful, so he decided to just drink it and suffer.

Yeah, he really had to get his anxiety checked.

He finally got home, closing and locking his door. He grabbed milk and chocolate syrup, putting it in his coffee and stirring carefully. He had to get a certain amount in. Not too creamy. Not too thick. He felt lucky he was able to add things at all. Usually his drink cooled too much by then. He stopped, finally satisfied with the concoction. He took a sip before feeling his soul die. The drink was cold. He took too long, and now it tasted even worse. It was like a lukewarm milkshake. He started to wonder if anything was worth it after that.

"Wow it's really pathetic that a bad drink is pushing me over the edge." Virgil said to himself before putting it in the freezer in hopes it would be better as a frozen treat. "Well, there's nothing I can do about my mental stability. Time to give writing a try."

Virgil did give writing a try. He stared at the screen, wrote a couple lines, stared at it more, and then he decided to walk back to the 24-hour coffee shop. When he passed the same spot as before, he felt his collarbone burn a bit. It was one of the houses. Hourglass lived there. He lived in that neighborhood, and Virgil could, hypothetically, find him. It would be super creepy, though, and his sleep schedule wouldn't really let him go midday, so he decided that option was probably not going to happen.

He made it to the shop, walking in. He went to the counter, seeing a new barista. The new barista happened to have a blue heart on his forehead, making Virgil pause both with surprise and the intense pain he felt in his finger.

"Hi! What can I get you?" The barista said, not looking up yet.

"Um, hi, mocha." Virgil said, shaking his head. "Do you not feel that?"

"Well, I do feel a lot of pain on my ankle, but--" the barista finally looked up. "Oh. Hello."

"I'm Virgil."

"Patton."

They stared at each other, not really moving. The pain subsided. It was fascinating to believe at least two of Virgil's soulmates lived here. Patton finally shook his head, getting started on his drink.

"A mocha you said? I'll get right on that. Wow, you're really cute. Roman and Logan are gonna love you. Lo lives real close to here--"

"Hourglass?"

"That's his mark! Roman lives a bit further out with me. Where do you live?"

"I live about ten minutes away. The cul-de-sac behind the oak trees. It's a little bit past Hourglass."

Patton let out a small laugh, shaking his head. "Logan."

"Right, sorry."

"No big deal at all! I couldn't remember his name for a bit either. Ro has lived here his whole life. He works at the local theater. Logan owns the bookstore in town. It's connected to his house. He lives above the store. I'm here for work. What do you do? Wait, let me guess. You're a comic artist!"

"No, I'm a writer." Virgil gave a smile, watching as Patton finished up his drink. 

"Well, enjoy your drink."

"You too."

Fuck.

Patton let out a small laugh, which didn't really help Virgil's mind. "When can I see you again?"

"I don't know if I can face you again after I said 'you too'." Virgil said before putting the money on the counter and leaving quickly, not wanting to deal with his actions. He needed to get out of there fast. He felt sick. He just made a fool of himself in front of his soulmate and fucking left instead of laughing it off. Why would he just leave? Now he couldn't go back!

He decided to run back home, drinking his coffee on the way. No more writing tonight. Hiding under the covers and giving up sounded much better than writing. He finished his coffee, throwing out the cup the minute the liquid was gone. It was about five in the morning at this point. He had two hours until he usually fell asleep, and he was restless. He just laid there, staring at the wall. It was not entertaining at all, but he really couldn't bring himself to care. All three soulmates were there, and he somehow fucked up so much that he couldn't meet any of them. If he just went back and apologized. If he didn't leave. If he just gave Patton his number.

He may have to move again.

* * *

Virgil woke up in pain. His collarbone and hip were burning as if they were on fire. It was only one in the afternoon. He didn't need to wake up yet, but he was up and in pain. Someone was knocking on his door. He got up, wincing. He saw three shadows on his porch, and he went through the options. He didn't know anyone. There was no reason for his neighbors to show up. It had to be his soulmates with how much pain he was it. His finger was spared due to the small connection he made with Patton, but he really didn't feel like opening that door and dealing with the consequences of running away.

It's what he did best.

He pulled his covers over himself, mumbling swears due to the pain. He was definitely moving again. It wouldn't have any negative effects on any of them if he left. The worst that would happen is they kept getting drawn to each other, again and again, moving to the same place to meet. Fate and destiny intertwined in the rules, making sure all soulmates were together, happy or not.

"Virgil? We know this is your house. Logan and Roman are in a lot of pain. Can you open the door so we can come in? Oh, he might be asleep! He was up late last night, and I'm really supposed to be asleep now." Patton said, a yawn proving his statement. "He may sleep during the day like me."

"You're up, so he can be up to explain himself!" Another voice declared. "He just ran away!"

The pain was getting worse. Virgil accidentally leaned on his arm, letting out a louder swear as he fell on the floor. 

"See? He's awake!"

He got up, walked to the door, and sat against it. The pain lessened slightly. "I'm sorry for running away."

"Hi Virgil!"

"Hi Patton."

Virgil leaned his head back, letting out a deep breath. He willed himself to continue, knowing they wouldn't leave.

"I freaked out. I'm sorry. I'm trying to work on that, but last night was bad. I'm really sorry about any emotional pain I gave you last night, and the physical pain the world is giving us right now. If you go away, it'll stop." He really didn't want to grow attached to them. He prayed they'd just leave.

"You could just let us in."

Virgil looked at his attire. Sweatpants, no shirt. That was not ideal. "I'm not properly dressed."

"Then get dressed! By Hera's rage, it's like arguing with my brother!"

Virgil scowled at that, getting up and getting changed. Jeans, hoodie, eyeshadow which took a bit, but they could leave if they got impatient. He finally opened the door, feeling less annoyed when he saw Patton so bubbly. "Hi."

"Hello." One stuck his hand out. "You must be Virgil. I'm Logan."

Once Virgil shook his hand, the pain on his collarbone immediately stopped. He just had his hip hurting, but not for long as the other person, Roman, took the hand from Logan, pressing a kiss on it. The pain subsided. It was fine.

"Why does it hurt anyway? What's the point of 'oh I found my soulmate, guess I'll hurt myself'?" Virgil asked, gently pulling his hand away. "Kind of sucks."

"I always thought of it as the body yearning for you to touch your soulmate! To connect!" Roman said with so much confidence Virgil didn't know how they could be soulmates. In fact, all three of them looked so put together, he started to panic again. They all had real jobs. They had routines. 

"It's actually due to the fact that the marks symbolize connection and love. If we are close, the forces that bring us together try to speed up the process of meeting so quickly that it is painful. A downside to knowing who you are spending the rest of your days with." Logan said, a small smug look on his face. "It's also why you need to make contact, more than just seeing each other. You tend to physically see more than one hundred people daily, so just eye contact, a glance, or brushing against someone will not guarantee you continue to associate with that person. This makes sure you have a starting point to continue building a relationship."

Oh god he sounded really professional. Virgil was moving right when they left. He didn't care where anymore. This was a mistake. Why did he even come here?

"Virgil's a writer!" Patton said, a huge smile on his face. "What do you write?"

"I write a lot of, uh," Virgil didn't really know how to explain his work. "Folklore, I guess? I write a lot about different creatures within folklore and their origins. It takes a lot of research, and sometimes it feels like I'm writing the same sentence over and over again. Especially when you differentiate mythological creatures that intersect a lot. I'm trying to finish the chapter on the Kapre, but I'm struggling a bit."

"Did you happen to get a degree in anthropology?" Logan asked, immediately feeling bad when Virgil lost any light he had talking about his work. "No, I suppose not. You do look younger than us by a bit, so you must still be in college."

Virgil was definitely moving. "I dropped out of college. This has been great. I need to sleep."

"Wait, I apologize. I meant no offense."

"No, it's chill. I just need to sleep so I can finish my book." And pack.

"What time do you wake up?" Roman asked, smiling at Virgil before giving a small glare to Logan. 

"Around eight at night. Why?"

"I'll pick you up after I'm done work. We can have dinner! It'll be fun to get to know you! I've known Patton for ages, and Logan for about half of the time I've known Patton. It's refreshing to meet our last soulmate! Patton makes really good dinners, and we try to help out when we can! Tonight is going to be fun because I'm cooking!"

Virgil didn't really want to go. He already embarrassed himself twice now, but he couldn't just say no. "Yeah, okay. Thank you. I can help cook."

"Oh, that would be great! I need help making my paella! Do you know how to make that?" Roman looked very excited.

"My old roommate made me help him make it every week, so yeah. He really fucking liked paella. Kind of miss making it. It was his aunt's recipe or something, and I perfected it."

That wasn't a lie. Virgil's old roommate did make him help make it all the time. He knew how to make every type, the perfect flavoring, everything. He grew sick of it after two years, but he loved his roommate. That's the one part of college he actually missed. His roommate.

"What a coincidence! We're using my aunt's recipe! This will be fun!"

"Cool, sounds good. I should really be asleep." Virgil was actually tired. He wasn't lying here either. He felt like he was going to pass out.

"We'll see you tonight." Logan said, still looking slightly guilty. 

"Yeah, see you tonight." Virgil closed the door and collapsed on his bed.

* * *

The night was actually successful, believe it or not. The paella recipe was the same on his roommate used, shocking Virgil and Roman. He had a lot of fun, surprisingly. Roman showed off his theater awards. Logan tried to apologize, asking to read Virgil's book. They made plans so Virgil could see his bookstore, which excited both of them for different reasons. Virgil because of all the books, and Logan because Virgil seemed to feel comfortable around him. Patton ended up dancing with Virgil for a bit.

The only problem was Virgil could feel himself slipping. He dug his nails into his skin when no one was looking to drown out his doubts. At one point he realized he dug his nails in deep enough to start bleeding, and he excused himself to the bathroom to look at the wound. Not bad, but it wasn't satisfying his need for distraction. He would fix that when he got home. For now, he dug into it deeper before covering it with his hoodie again, letting out a breath of relief. He washed the blood off his hands before going back out to eat with his soulmates. He heard about their lives, their favorite things, anything to get to know them. He told them a bit about his life. Altering and cutting out parts about his mental health. He really liked them, so he didn't want to scare them away with his instability. 

It was nice, except for the need to hurt himself. That part wasn't great. He was getting a bit twitchy as the night went on. He blamed it on thinking of ideas for his book. He both needed to get home, and he needed to stay there. If he stayed there, he wouldn't be able to hurt himself. His roommate told him he couldn't live alone, so he did exactly that and paid the price.

He was getting really bad with his twitches when their get together was over. He was walked home half the way by Logan before going the rest of the way himself. The minute he got home, he cut himself a lot. Until the itch went away. Until he finally realized what he did and panicked, getting in the shower. He cleaned himself off. Bandaged the ones that were deep. He got in front of his computer and marked that he relapsed today before beginning to work on his novel.

He really should contact his roommate.

* * *

A couple months passed. Virgil was slipping more and more. He loved his soulmates, but he felt his anxiety heighten when he was with them. He still spent time with them, but he wasn't doing great. He managed to finish his first draft of his third book, and his soulmates were celebrating with him that night. Patton made them a lot of food, Logan read his two other books, and Roman was just a great supporter. Virgil walked there with Logan, enjoying the snow that was coming down. They made it there, and Virgil saw a car he knew very well in the driveway.

"No. No way." Virgil mumbled before running inside, leaving Logan a bit baffled. There he was. Remus, standing in the living room. "Remus?"

He turned around, very surprised. "Virgil?"

Immediately, before anyone could blink, Virgil ran into Remus' arms. Remus picked him up immediately, overjoyed. Virgil let out a laugh, feeling any tension drop. Remus, his old roommate, was one of the few people that Virgil didn't feel anxious around. Maybe it's because you get to know someone when they get food poisoning, or maybe it's because they got to know each other very well over the two years Virgil was there. All Virgil knew was that Remus was there. "Dude!"

"What are you doing here? I knew you were moving, but I didn't know where! I see you've met my brother and his soulmates."

"I'm one of them now, I guess. How's Janus? How are you?"

"He's still dramatic and annoying! You know him, what with his whole deal. You're soulmates? That's great! So, you live with Logan?"

By then, everyone was watching Virgil being carried by Remus. Virgil froze before giving Remus a fake smile. "No?"

"You're living here?"

"No, he lives at his house!" Roman said, a bit confused. "You two know each other?"

Remus put Virgil down, completely ignoring his brother. "You have a roommate, right?"

"It's not bad--"

"Virgil, you're not allowed to live alone!"

"I know, but I'm fine--"

"Then fucking prove it."

Virgil froze again, crossing his arms. "It's good to see you again--"

"I fucking knew it!"

"I'm sorry!"

"What's going on?" Patton piped up, worry in his expression. "Why can't he live alone?"

"Virgil was my college roommate." Remus answered, glaring at Virgil. "Virgil. You promised."

Roman stopped at that. Remus called him once, freaking out. His roommate was bleeding out in their room due to self inflicted wounds, and Remus had to take him to the hospital. Remus said the doctors said his roommate wouldn't have made it otherwise.

"It was difficult! I tried to find someone to live with, but I didn't connect with anyone, and it made it all worse! I just kept slipping, and living alone made it easier! It just recently got bad again when I started socializing!"

"Show me your fucking arms Virgil."

It was as if a pin dropped. Everyone finally realized what Remus meant. Virgil was trembling, looking down. Remus, as harsh as he was being, had a gentle look in his eyes. Virgil finally whispered, breaking the silence. "You know I can't do that."

"You can, and you will even if we have to step away. Should we go outside?"

Virgil gave a small nod, following Remus outside. The vibe was now not celebratory but grim. The three didn't really know what to do except sit in the living room, waiting. Months. Months of knowing Virgil and interacting. Not knowing what he was doing. Not seeing any signs.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" 

That was the first thing they heard from outside. It couldn't be good. Remus ran back in, grabbing his bags.

"I'm living with Virgil during my time here, and if he doesn't have one of you to live with, he's moving back with me. You know how many scars he had when he left college? The two from when I had to take him to the hospital. He has so many now. Some of them are bleeding now. I know that's unfair, but I personally would prefer a healthy soulmate than a dead one. If you see him twitching, do not let him be alone. Never let him be alone. He has to be with someone at all times. Janus and I can accomplish that. I've accomplished that for the past three years. I'm dropping my stuff off at his house, and I'm taking away his sharp objects. I'm cutting his nails. I'm checking his goddamn teeth, because he will use them. He's going to freak out and think he ruined everything, we're going to spend at most three hours there for him to calm down. You're going to pretend nothing happened. It's going to be fine."

With that, Remus collected Virgil and left.

It was hard to pretend nothing happened. Virgil was babbling the whole walk back to his house. He apologized and fought Remus and panicked before finally just dropping it and asking Remus about his life. Remus filled him in on how he and his soulmate were. Janus was going to law school come next fall. Remus would start working as an effects artist for horror movies. They both, of course, kept up with Virgil's books. Remus was prepared to pre-order the third once he could, even though Virgil promised he could get a free version right when it was done.

They got there, and Remus unpacked. He would be sleeping in Virgil's room, same bed and everything. He washed the cuts that were still bleeding before wrapping Virgil's arm up.

"I'm glad you're Roman's soulmate."

"Weird dating my exes brother, but yeah."

"We weren't dating. We made out until one of us found our soulmate. Then I met Janus, but we both love you as a soulmate even if it's platonically. I know the marks don't work that way, but you are always loved by us."

"Thanks man. I love you guys too."

"If things don't work with them, you can always come back to us! Just saying!"

Virgil laughed, punching his arm. "I don't know if things will work now anyway. I didn't want them to know how bad I got because they had a really good relationship when I got here. I fucked up. I think I have to move again. I don't know if they want me anymore."

"I can guarantee I've never seen Logan give anyone bedroom eyes before you. Trust me. He was giving you mad 'I want to fuck you' eyes. Roman and Patton were going on and on about how much they loved you and respected you. I know they love you."

"Even after they found out? I'm expecting the whole 'you need to love yourself before you can love us' speech. I don't think I can love myself right now. Plus, being with them just stresses me out. I feel like I need to be perfect. They're all perfect and successful, and I'm me. I'm a lot of work, and I'm not stable. I was so lucky to have you as a roommate in college, but you only get so lucky once. I already fucked up. I told Patton I couldn't be his soulmate when I first met him. I wouldn't blame them at all for wanting to be done with me. It's not like it's physically painful to separate. We'll just keep running into each other, and it'll be uncomfortable. That's fine. I'm okay with that."

"Virgil, Logan is on the ace spectrum. I don't remember which one it is, but he's only sexually attracted to certain people. It's rare for him to be attracted, but he's into you. Roman is more understanding than you think. Patton probably blames himself for not noticing your signs, but he'll learn to figure them out and access your signs. I did tell them if they couldn't accommodate for you, I'd be taking you home with me. You do know you'll have to live with them, right?"

"Yeah, I know."

"And therapy."

"I don't need to pay someone to tell me I'm thinking things that are wrong. I know it's wrong. I don't need to pay someone."

"You need somewhere to talk about it and process your emotions. You need to learn safer habits. You can't just hurt yourself. You might even need medication, Virgil. That's fine. No one will judge you for that. If they do, then you come home with me."

Virgil nodded, taking a deep breath. "Okay."

"Want to punch a pillow?"

"I would like that."

* * *

The house was silent as Patton paced. "How did we not notice? We've seen his arms before, right?"

"I don't believe so. He's always wearing his hoodie, and none of us attempted to initiate more than just cuddling." Logan said, equally as panicked. 

"Okay, this isn't great. We don't have an extra room here. We were saving up." Roman bit his nails.

"Then he lives with me. If he's comfortable with sharing a bed, I'll gladly share my home." Logan spoke again. "I'll be able to keep tabs on him during work, and he'll be able to come to me if he needs anything. We'll have to change his sleeping schedule, but I'm going to double check with him that it's okay."

"Thank you Logan. That would be helpful."

The three went silent again, worried. It had been two hours, and Remus had been texting updates to his brother. They were both on their way back, Virgil more than a little anxious. Roman was checking the door. Patton was thinking of how the conversation could continue. Would they have to play pretend? Remus said they did, but they weren't fully equipped with just ignoring the situation nor were they equipped with talking about it. Logan was already researching how to support someone who self harmed, knowing he'd have to do more than just the generic search. He had some books on the subject in his store.

Finally, the door opened. Virgil looked very uncomfortable and Remus was just trying to remain happy and calm. "Virgil ripped his pillow trying to punch it!"

"Why would you say that? You are the worst." Virgil's look instantly changed to annoyance. "You tore it in half after I did a weak punch. Stop."

"Guilty! Whatever! Virgil and I set up all my stuff in his room real nice for my winter break! So, what'd we miss?"

"Logan was just talking about inviting Virgil to move in." Roman sat down, praying he was keeping it casual. "He needs help running his store, but it's still slow enough that Virgil could work on his novels."

"You would have to adapt your sleep schedule, which I know isn't ideal, but I would be able to assist with your adjustment." Logan added, adjusting his glasses.

"That would be nice, but only if you're sure." Virgil replied. "We've only known each other for a few months."

"We are tethered by life itself. I am completely sure that this would be a good idea."

Virgil nodded before the night continued, him only half there. Part of his mind was screaming at him that this was pity. He needed to get out. Despite that, there was a small part telling him to shut up and calm down. If it got bad, he could leave, but for now he was here. Maybe it was Remus being there, but he felt okay for now.

The scariest thing happened, and now he was going to move on.

* * *

"Shirt off."

"Okay."

"Pants too."

"Really?"

"Based on my research, people cut themselves on their arms, torso, and legs more than any other body part. I'm checking."

Virgil sighed, not really surprised by this treatment. He had been living with Logan for over a year. They did this twice every day. Once they got up, and once before going to bed. There was no room for forgetting. Logan started this schedule the minute Virgil moved in. Logan kept this strictly professional, making sure there were no fresh marks. If Virgil felt himself being close to relapsing, he was to get Logan no matter how busy Logan seemed. Even if Logan was with a customer, Virgil was to interrupt him so they could talk. Remus taught them all an important thing. When Virgil got in a bad headspace, they were to tell him he'd wake up from the nightmare. It always managed to calm him down enough to keep a proper conversation about his emotions.

Therapy was being addressed more. Virgil not really up for it yet, still thinking it wouldn't be worth it, but he took his soulmates concerns into consideration. 

"No new cuts. Good." Logan said, kissing his head. "I'm really proud of you."

"Thanks L."

"We're going to Patton and Roman's today for brunch. You ready?"

"You made me undress, so no, I have to get dressed again."

"You got dressed before I did my inspection. That is hardly my fault."

Virgil put his clothes on again, grumbling. He had gotten much more comfortable with his soulmates. The voice in his head that told him his soulmates were going to be disgusted by him was still there, but quieter. Somedays it got really bad, but he was at a point with them where he felt safer. "Okay, I'm ready."

"Perfect."

They left, holding each other's hands. The walk was quiet, not much to be said. Virgil wore his hoodie still, only taking it off when he was indoors. He didn't like looking at the scars, and he especially didn't want strangers to see them. They finally arrived, Logan knocking on the door, fully aware they didn't have to. Roman opened the door, welcoming them in with a smile and scones. Virgil kissed his cheek as Logan went to hug Patton who was pouring tea.

It was getting easier to separate fear from reality.

* * *

Virgil's first appointment was in two weeks. He had a relapse that Roman discovered, and Virgil couldn't explain himself. Just that it was all too much, and he couldn't physically get Logan with how loud his head was when he did it. Roman, of course, called his other soulmates as soon as he discovered and relayed the information. He wasn't mad or disappointed. He was just scared, and Virgil understood why.

He finally gave up, agreeing to try out therapy. If he felt like it wasn't working, then he could leave, but he had to give it two months before deciding that. 

Patton just got off the phone with the closest company, telling Virgil his appointment time.

"Thank you, love, for agreeing to test this out. We have your best interests at heart." Roman said, kissing his wrist. "We adore you."

"I know. I'm sorry." Virgil winced slightly. "As sweet as that kiss was, that kind of hurt when you took my hand."

Roman immediately let go of his wrist.

"You're going to do great. You're going to win therapy!" Patton said, giving Virgil a smile.

"There's no such thing as winning therapy. I suppose Virgil could learn tactics and practices that will help him, but therapy isn't a childish game." Logan said, feeling the need to clarify that. "He can't actually win."

"I think he can."

Virgil rolled his eyes, letting out a snort.

In that moment, even though he knew it wouldn't last, the nightmare was over.


End file.
